Breakfast Chef, Kensington - Some people have an unrealistic adversity towards the idea of eating anything in the morning, and instead survive on nothing but Starbucks and Special K bars. This can only lead to extreme abdominal growling by lunchtime. I, on the other hand, can wake up and eat anything, be it a bowl of oats, boiled eggs or toast. However, I have also been known to eat leftover chicken korma, tortellini and pesto, or I might even rustle up a pizza from scratch should I fancy it. If this application were to be a success, (I have a good feeling about this one) I know I would definitely bring a fresh and innovative new take on the 'Traditional British Breakfast' that we have grown to know.
Tree Climber, North London - This doesn't really sound like a real job. However, the Ad says they are "currently seeking an experienced tree climber to fill the vacancy of lead climber. The successful candidate will have at least 5 years experience and hold the appropriate NPTC qualifications." I think many people have grown up as young things climbing trees in their back gardens, picking apples, making swings, hiding from raging parents on a quiet sunday afternoon when you refused to do the washing up. And NPTC? I'm sure I qualified for that at some point.
Yoga Instructor, Morocco - I can do the 'Corpse Pose' pretty well.
Wednesday 25 November 2009
RE: Application for Teacher of Music, Luxembourg.
So I got my first reply. Alas, it just wasn't meant to be.
Subject: Your Application
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:02:36 +0000
From: benedict.cole@hayes.com
To: thejobhunter@live.com
From: Job Hunter [mailto:thejobhunter@live.com]
Sent: 25 November 2009 00:06
To: Cole, Benedict
Subject: RE: Your Application
Dear Benedict,
Thank you for kindly getting back to me so swiftly.
Would you be able to elaborate on the terms of my application?
I would appreciate any feedback on my CV/application, as I am sure this would greatly help my chances of success in the future.
Many thanks for this opportunity and for your consideration.
Best Wishes,
Hannah
Subject: RE: Your Application
Date: Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:18:04 +0000
From: benedict.cole@hayes.com
To: thejobhunter@live.com
Subject: Your Application
Date: Tue, 24 Nov 2009 09:02:36 +0000
From: benedict.cole@hayes.com
To: thejobhunter@live.com
Dear Hannah
Thank you for your following application(s).
Unfortunately you have been unsuccessful on this occasion.
Your details are being held in our records however and are accessible to over 3,000 Hays recruitment specialists in the UK. Should a vacancy arise for which you may be suitable we will contact you again. Keep an eye on our website (www.hayes.com) and if you see a position that interests you please let us know.
In the meantime if your circumstances change or your CV needs updating remember to email us a fresh copy.
Thanks again.
Yours sincerely,
Benedict Cole
Team Manager
Education
From: Job Hunter [mailto:thejobhunter@live.com]
Sent: 25 November 2009 00:06
To: Cole, Benedict
Subject: RE: Your Application
Thank you for kindly getting back to me so swiftly.
Would you be able to elaborate on the terms of my application?
I would appreciate any feedback on my CV/application, as I am sure this would greatly help my chances of success in the future.
Many thanks for this opportunity and for your consideration.
Best Wishes,
Hannah
Subject: RE: Your Application
Date: Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:18:04 +0000
From: benedict.cole@hayes.com
To: thejobhunter@live.com
Dear Hannah,
The position you applied for is a teacher of music post- I only consider qualified music teachers as potential applicants.
Thank you
Kind regards
Bénédict
Monday 23 November 2009
Sing when you're winning
Teacher of Music, Luxembourg - Everyone loves music, but especially me. In my time, I have been known to play the Descant and Treble recorder, clarinet, percussion instruments including drums, timpani, xylophone and glockenspiel. Not to mention obtaining a distinction for musical excellence as a member of an international Steel band (we could play 'Under the Sea' from the Little Mermaid!) and of course, numerous appearances in school musical performances, groups and choirs (Even starring in a production of a musical Christmas nativity at the Marlow Theatre, Canterbury!) Nowadays - I try to play guitar. And yes, I do own a Didgeridoo.
Overland Expedition Tour Leader, Africa - This sounds mega fun, driving around the bush, through Savannah's, on safaris...camping, having a laugh, seeing animals and meeting interesting people. Having lived, loved and traveled in Tanzania, this could be one application to actually watch!
Refrigeration Engineer, Central London - The number of times I've had to fix our old fridge, getting out the butchers knife every other day to hack away all the ice that was freezing my cheese and cherry tomatoes/preventing the door from closing. This is probably more than enough experience to handle this position.
Tea Manager, London - Anyone who knows me, could give me a reference for this job. I drink the stuff by the bucket, was bottle fed it as a baby... I should have been named Polly (put the kettle on) or Tetley. I'm obviously going to marry Mr Twinings or Earl Grey. Or both. Probably the most suited of roles I have applied to yet.
Overland Expedition Tour Leader, Africa - This sounds mega fun, driving around the bush, through Savannah's, on safaris...camping, having a laugh, seeing animals and meeting interesting people. Having lived, loved and traveled in Tanzania, this could be one application to actually watch!
Refrigeration Engineer, Central London - The number of times I've had to fix our old fridge, getting out the butchers knife every other day to hack away all the ice that was freezing my cheese and cherry tomatoes/preventing the door from closing. This is probably more than enough experience to handle this position.
Tea Manager, London - Anyone who knows me, could give me a reference for this job. I drink the stuff by the bucket, was bottle fed it as a baby... I should have been named Polly (put the kettle on) or Tetley. I'm obviously going to marry Mr Twinings or Earl Grey. Or both. Probably the most suited of roles I have applied to yet.
Friday 20 November 2009
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Flotilla Skipper, Greece - Sailing nine 32ft Yachts around the Greek Ionian Sea. Little apprehensive about this one, as I'm more of a land-lubber than a Mariner, although I would enjoy the occasional sea-shanty. I had a cat called 'Skipper' once.
Full-time Dentist, Southall - Would be cool to have free access to one of those chairs.
Female Bouncer, Mayfair - I am quite big to be fair, and it pays well. Not sure if I could break-up any fights though, Id probably join in.
Caretaker Handyman, Holland Park - Working in a posh school amongst rich kids. I can't even change a plug fuse.
Full-time Dentist, Southall - Would be cool to have free access to one of those chairs.
Female Bouncer, Mayfair - I am quite big to be fair, and it pays well. Not sure if I could break-up any fights though, Id probably join in.
Caretaker Handyman, Holland Park - Working in a posh school amongst rich kids. I can't even change a plug fuse.
Wednesday 18 November 2009
Perserverance Works
Only a few today as I am meeting my Mum and Cousin for tea. Productive.
Ride on Mower Operative - I'd quite like to take up gardening. And this must be one of the easiest and most gentle ways of getting into this field (ahaha). I also drive a Nissan Micra, and a mower can't be too dissimilar.
Criminal Finance Lawyer - Used to watch Judge John Deed on BBC and its probably one of the only professions (other than Clown) where you are required and respected for wearing a wig to work.
Demolition Supervisor - Such a pro at destroying my sisters Lego constructed villages. KaBOOm.
No replies as yet.
Ride on Mower Operative - I'd quite like to take up gardening. And this must be one of the easiest and most gentle ways of getting into this field (ahaha). I also drive a Nissan Micra, and a mower can't be too dissimilar.
Criminal Finance Lawyer - Used to watch Judge John Deed on BBC and its probably one of the only professions (other than Clown) where you are required and respected for wearing a wig to work.
Demolition Supervisor - Such a pro at destroying my sisters Lego constructed villages. KaBOOm.
No replies as yet.
Tuesday 17 November 2009
Don't Be Too Picky
Times are tough, so you can't be too picky.
Jobs I have applied to today:
Norwegian Speaking Market Researcher - I'm guessing it could be quite interesting, and very conveniently located up the road in Vauxhall. Unfortunately I have no knowledge of Norway, or indeed the language they speak there. We'll see if this affects the success of my application...
Groom for Racing Yard, Mill Hill - I like horses. As a kid, I used to have riding lessons on a small Shetland pony named 'Becky'. Until I put on a considerable amount of weight, and had to quit. It was then that I progressed onto shire horses...
Florist Manager, Wimbledon - I did a bit of flower arranging at Youth Club in the village church once.
Cruise Ship Crew, Activities Officer - I'm imagining this to be like Titanic with a Jack Sparrow, rum swigging twist. What an adventure! I might even get the chance to dress up in sparkly costumes and sing to little kids whilst their parents skidaddle off to drink Pina Coladas by the pool.
Bollywood Film Extra - Indian cusine is probably the king of international food. You've got to love a good korma and naan of an evening. But I also really like to dance, and grew up listening to a lot of Bhangra music (My parents were all new age, and thought they were all-worldly buying Ladysmith Black Mambazo and calypso carol CD's from Antigua)
Experience wise, I actually was an extra in the film Vanity Fair with Reese Witherspoon. I played 'Wife of Pimp/Brothel Housekeeper' in the first couple seconds of the opening scene. Check it out.
Butcher Driver - Who wouldn't want to drive a freezer van full of meat around the city all day?
Jobs I have applied to today:
Norwegian Speaking Market Researcher - I'm guessing it could be quite interesting, and very conveniently located up the road in Vauxhall. Unfortunately I have no knowledge of Norway, or indeed the language they speak there. We'll see if this affects the success of my application...
Groom for Racing Yard, Mill Hill - I like horses. As a kid, I used to have riding lessons on a small Shetland pony named 'Becky'. Until I put on a considerable amount of weight, and had to quit. It was then that I progressed onto shire horses...
Florist Manager, Wimbledon - I did a bit of flower arranging at Youth Club in the village church once.
Cruise Ship Crew, Activities Officer - I'm imagining this to be like Titanic with a Jack Sparrow, rum swigging twist. What an adventure! I might even get the chance to dress up in sparkly costumes and sing to little kids whilst their parents skidaddle off to drink Pina Coladas by the pool.
Bollywood Film Extra - Indian cusine is probably the king of international food. You've got to love a good korma and naan of an evening. But I also really like to dance, and grew up listening to a lot of Bhangra music (My parents were all new age, and thought they were all-worldly buying Ladysmith Black Mambazo and calypso carol CD's from Antigua)
Experience wise, I actually was an extra in the film Vanity Fair with Reese Witherspoon. I played 'Wife of Pimp/Brothel Housekeeper' in the first couple seconds of the opening scene. Check it out.
Butcher Driver - Who wouldn't want to drive a freezer van full of meat around the city all day?
I Would Love to Work for You
Hello there,
RE: I Would Love to Work for You.
I am a writing to enquire whether you would consider taking me on as an employee.
Having spent the last 18 years in education, in state, international and private schooling, and then bagging myself a shiny new degree from university, I spent some time recently travelling, experiencing the simple life and realising my place in the world.
I have now returned to the big city to seek my fame and fortune, to wallpaper the world with my ideas and to discover my full potential. However, there is just one thing stopping me from achieving this: that elusive first rung of the ladder (and global recession).
Today it suddenly dawned on me that I have actually been in employment for the last month - working as a Job Hunter. This is a full-time position, a time consuming role that demands perseverance, tenacity and determination.
I don't like to do anything by halves, so I have decided to thoroughly document my journey working as a Job Hunter. The search for jobs, however suitable or unsuitable they may be, the editing of covering letters, and the tedious applications to the dreaded interviews.
I have attached a copy of my CV with this letter. Thank you for this opportunity and considering my application. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
The job Hunter
RE: I Would Love to Work for You.
I am a writing to enquire whether you would consider taking me on as an employee.
Having spent the last 18 years in education, in state, international and private schooling, and then bagging myself a shiny new degree from university, I spent some time recently travelling, experiencing the simple life and realising my place in the world.
I have now returned to the big city to seek my fame and fortune, to wallpaper the world with my ideas and to discover my full potential. However, there is just one thing stopping me from achieving this: that elusive first rung of the ladder (and global recession).
Today it suddenly dawned on me that I have actually been in employment for the last month - working as a Job Hunter. This is a full-time position, a time consuming role that demands perseverance, tenacity and determination.
I don't like to do anything by halves, so I have decided to thoroughly document my journey working as a Job Hunter. The search for jobs, however suitable or unsuitable they may be, the editing of covering letters, and the tedious applications to the dreaded interviews.
I have attached a copy of my CV with this letter. Thank you for this opportunity and considering my application. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
The job Hunter
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